Dealing with Parents while Planning your Wedding

By Rachel Kinscher, Visionary weddings

Our parents have stressed us out our entire lives, why would they stop now? Wedding planning is stressful and parents can only add to that! They may complain about the money being spent, having different ideas to you on how a wedding should be, disapprove of who are marrying or you could be one of the unlucky many who have divorced parents who are not on good terms.

At Visionary we have help brides-to-be to manage their parents and sticky situations, we have also helped brides and grooms have 2^nd marriages to each other because their first wedding was hijacked by their parents.

We advise our brides to talk to your parents initially about money – how much are they able to give you towards your day. Set your budgets from here so you can plan the type of day you can afford. Then discuss your ideas with your parents, both the brides and the grooms, as for any input at this stage, they may have an old family tradition that they would like to see included.

While a couple does not need to give into every demand or request that the parents make, some ground should be given. This will make the parents feel like they were helpful during the planning of the wedding.

If your parents are divorced then talk to each of them about how they would like this managed on the day – this especially true if there is ill-feeling of if there are step-parents and blended families involved.

When dealing with divorced parent’s protocol says that it is the parent that you have lived with the longest whose name is on the invites and mentioned throughout the day. The other parent is only mentioned if both parties agree to it. However protocol is not warm and fussy and it may not be what you want – it is best to have both parents’ names on the invitations and to be mentioned throughout the day.

Your father will almost always walk you down the aisle except under certain circumstances. If that is not possible, a substitute family member or friend can stand in with the bride. This is typically a brother, uncle or close friend. Sometimes you are closer to your step-father than your real father, or have a close relationship with both, why not ask one to walk you down the aisle and the other to have the father-daughter dance with you?

When it comes to seating arrangements both at your ceremony and reception, if your parents are divorced normally the mother will take the front row with her family, the 2^nd row is kept empty and the 3^rd row is taken by your father’s family. At the reception is often best to put your parents on opposite sides of the room and let them choose who they would like on the table with them, then they can create their own comfort zone.

If either of your parents has remarried and there is a blended family situation, then all members of the immediate family should be invited, this includes step and half siblings.

Your wedding day is not about your parents, it is about you and your fiancé, both of you need to agree on the details of the wedding. Try to let your parents feel involved by asking for advice and giving them the tasks you don't need creative control of.

Parents want the best for their children. This is especially prevalent during their children's wedding planning. While brides have been dreaming about their wedding day since they were a little girl, often the parents have also been dreaming of that day, parents often feel that this day is a partial celebration for them also and will believe that they need to share the spotlight also.

Just because one of your parents is funding the entire event could make you feel obligated to let them play a prominent role in the wedding. If you need to compromise on your dream and what you want because your parent expects to play a key role because they are taking care of the expenses, you may want to ask yourself – is it worth it?

Remember to keep the vision of your wedding day clear in your mind and don’t let well meaning parents, relatives, friends or even wedding suppliers shift you from that!

A wedding planner can often help you to stay true to what you want and also manage parents at the same time. Contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit www.visionaryweddings.com.au for more information.